Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

What a difference… a day makes January 30, 2009

Filed under: Dating,Exes — datehazard @ 1:03 am

Like the song famously performed by Dinah Washington, so go my dating (mis)adventures.

Just yesterday, I was thinking seriously about getting back together — again — with my ex. It didn’t matter that he’d lied to me from the moment we met, or that he became so convinced of his own lies he had real difficulty with admitting the truth. But he’d changed since we’d broken up — he’d bought himself a book on listening skills, and was applying its lessons, daily. I could see some of his behaviour changing as well, his ability to focus was increasing, his self-discipline at not always inserting himself into someone else’s situation and overriding what they said with what he thinks they should have said. I was starting to have hope again, starting to believe that maybe this was a behaviour that could be changed, instead of a fatal flaw. Even my friend said, “you have to give him an ‘A’ for effort!”

And then today, he tells me in a kind of “by the way” manner about some woman he’d met on a dating site who had texted him a long message on his work phone.

I asked him why he’d given her his work number and why he’d entertained her very long text, and he replied, thoughtlessly, “Because I like talking to her.”

This was the same guy who had also told me, yesterday, that he’d not been talking seriously to anyone, and called me to ask whether he could drive 12 hours to spend Valentine’s Day with me. When I cautiously replied that I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, he was dejected and said that he’d have a hard time because he wants to get back together with me. I said the most I was willing to concede at this point was if we got together, on Valentine’s Day, to do something we both really wanted to do. In my head, I thought, “who knows, maybe something will develop?”

My role in all of this is that I am, for the first time, stuck in this pattern. I even posted a comment wondering if throwing myself into work would be a solution. Ed: Yes, it is. 🙂

What do you think? What’s worked for you? And how the heck did I end up being in this repetitive cycle anyway?


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