So, Corporate Lawyer and I met up last night for a drink. One thing led to another, which led to some fooling around. Nothing terribly serious.
And he’s probably out on a date tonight, while I’m in my usual Friday night alone state. I’m not complaining, though; I made myself a nice dinner, poured myself a lovely glass of red Californian Zinfandel to accompany my meal, and am calling it a night — at only 10 p.m.!
I had a full day today, though; met up with a colleague who asked some tough questions about my work and gave me some useful suggestions. Many of his suggestions would involve a substantial re-write and new research. I have more thinking to do, to figure out which suggestions would work. And more research, obviously. I’d forgotten the impulse to establish oneself as the expert, and how that’s done — meeting my focussed colleague reminded me. I’ve been trying to avoid spending time on the weekends working, but I’m starting to see that it’s not possible to just work regular hours like everyone else. The kind of work I do is just too demanding. No wonder my social life is a shambles.
As for Corporate Lawyer, we’re meeting up tomorrow afternoon some time to go to a gallery or do something or other. You know, I still don’t really feel anything for him. Even when we kiss. I don’t even really like the look of his face up close. It’s not that I’m repulsed, I’m just not really engaged. Indifference is usually a terrible indicator for the success of a relationship.
I wanted to write something trite, like, “my flesh is clearly weak,” but that would do a disservice to the real comfort and relief I felt at touching — and being touched by — another human being: at being close to someone else, skin-to-skin. One part of my mind noted his bad breath, soft belly, and sagging derriere, but those thoughts were crowded out by the loud urgency and immediacy of physical contact. It’s so simple, and so vital.