One of the benefits of living in a large city is having a multitude of distractions. Which are exactly what you need when you’re feeling lonely.
This week, I think I have something to do on every single day, except Valentine’s Day. But because my week is so packed, I’m looking forward to doing nothing on that dreaded day, to just stay home, watch a nice movie (thank you, Netflix), and drink a lovely glass of wine with my dinner.
I planned my week in advance, because I knew that I would probably feel lonely and sad otherwise. So I’m going to an “anti-Valentine’s Day” party this week (I don’t know anyone there, but who cares?), a friend’s work-related function on Wednesday (nothing to do with singleness, but maybe a chance to meet some nice people and have some good conversations), and I have a blind date on Friday. Sunday I’m going to meet up with an activity group that I have been watching with some curiosity. I made sure that all of the things happening this week are things that I really want to do. Saturday will be fine. I have a feeling Corporate Lawyer will want to do something at some point, although he seems to be the “Disappearing Guy” mentioned in this article. I met up with him on Sunday night after his half-marathon race, because he was feeling a bit down about his performance in the race. By the time I showed up around dinner time after my yoga class, he was unenthusiastic and not particularly thrilled to see me. That was a marked difference from when he’d initially texted me to tell me he was feeling blue, and when I subsequently called him to cheer him up.
I think he’s getting cold feet about seeing me, and worried that I want something more serious. We haven’t had That Conversation yet (the “what are you looking for and where would you like this to go”) but it’s not really a conversation I want to have, either. We really don’t have that much in common; all of his pop cultural references go over my head (I have no cable t.v. in my apartment), plus we have very different tastes. He talks about John Grisham and Tom Clancy and whoever else, and I talk about Dziga Vertov and the Kino Eye, or global politics. His sense of moral obligation to anyone else in society is little to zero, and he finds it amusing when I bring up the topic. I find it amusing, too, when he demonstrates his politics.
Clearly, we’d need something to relate to soon, or we’re going to keep making and filing witty anthropological mental notes about each other before eventually fading apart.