Another friend I know is also going through a breakup. Hers is fresh, though; the wounds are barely accounted for, and the shock hasn’t really had time to sink in yet.
So she’s in the early stages of Step 1 I wrote about before.
We spent some time talking on the phone this evening, after I got back from my supposed date with Indie Musician. I thought he’d stood me up, so I was pretty bummed. Turned out it was a miscommunication problem, mainly on my part: I thought I’d given him my cell number, he thought my home number was my cell, he’d changed the venue and called and left messages on my home phone… And we never met up. And both thought that the other had stood the other one up. The conversation didn’t go too well at first, and I got a little mad because he started blaming me. But more on that later.
My friend (who I’ll call the Artist) and I had been planning to hang out tomorrow, doing what singles do, because I felt that she needed some cheering up. She launched rightaway into talking about how she wants to write her ex a letter, expressing her desire for him, the fact that she thinks their breakup is premature, that this decision has to do with fear and that they should spend some time talking things through. She’d mentioned the letter before, and I’d cautioned her about that, saying that I thought she needed to wait some time before sending something like that: to write it out, but not send it rightaway. She said she was sure that she wanted to send it out rightaway, but that she’d sleep on it and think it through. She’s going to be seeing her ex on Sunday when she has to go pick some things up at his place.
She’s going exactly through what I mentioned in Step 1: hoping that she can find a way to make the relationship work, somehow. Negotiation, I think is what this phase is called. And there’s no deterring it. Nothing anyone else can say would make that “I really have to be convinced that I’ve done everything humanly possible” feeling go away. It just has to go away on its own time. I’ll try to see how long it takes for her to have this feeling diminish somewhat. We’ll see.
Meanwhile, I’ve offered to take her out for a nice day of eating cheap, delicious food, walking around, spending the whole afternoon just talking about whatever she wants to talk about, and getting some time to really just unwind and let her hair down. She’s not sleeping and she’s not eating. It’s the least I can do for a friend who’s just gotten her heart broken.