Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

Something had to give March 6, 2009

Filed under: Loneliness,Singleness — datehazard @ 6:30 pm
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My overly ambitiously planned week has just fallen apart. My body refused to cooperate: I am now officially sick.

It’s nothing that serious. And to be honest, I’m feeling relieved. It was way too much for my body to handle, and I was overdue for a break.

I managed to network yesterday, fill in all of my obligations and put in my not unusual 16 hour day, including some fun stuff for myself, like a chance to eat at a restaurant I’d been wanting to check out for some time. I also bought myself a little present in honour of birthday week: an unlimited week-long transit pass to give me an excuse to get out and gleefully sight-see to my heart’s content. I live in New York City, for goodness’ sakes. It’s about time I travelled its length and breadth, explored every nook and cranny, adventured as much as I care to.

I’m also relieved, because it means that my plans to accommodate Corporate Lawyer and have him stay over for the first time in my apartment have thankfully fallen through. Having him stay here brings the relationship to a whole new level that I’m just not comfortable with.

So instead, I returned home, took a shower, slipped into my pjs, and am listening to some music I absolutely adore and don’t often get a chance to listen to.

Later, I might pour myself a glass of red wine that I also rarely get a chance to sip, slip in a movie or click through a selection on Netflix, continue writing a short story I’ve been neglecting for the last few weeks, and savour the dull steady current of aloneness that late nights and early mornings bring into focus.

And if I really get bored, I might even call some friends.

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Birthday week is the busiest week March 2, 2009

Filed under: Desire,frustration,Singleness — datehazard @ 10:54 pm
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It’s my birthday this week. I turn 35.

If I could catch a breath to think about that, I might feel a little sad; mainly because my life isn’t where I’d imagined it would be at this point. And it would be nice to be able to catch my breath.

But it is a really crazy week. Work-related functions have just sky-rocketed and I have 6 major functions to attend in a space of 4 days. Each function will take about 3-4 hours of my time. Some of the functions will require much more time than that. And they are all on consecutive days, and require that I have my people skills in place as I will be dealing with a lot of different types of people. And somewhere in there the Corporate Lawyer wants to see me and (pardon my French) fuck my brains out. Trust me, I am long overdue for a good session. But I just don’t have the time this week.

I know he’ll be disappointed. He’d been trying to make plans to spend a night together for a few weeks now. But it’s either I drop these events (which happen once a year), or I drop my plans with him. They are not compatible.

Again, this schedule is not what I’d envisioned for a relaxing birthday week. My initial plan was to take an extended long weekend and go somewhere cheap and warm, like Florida, or wherever I could find a cheap travel deal. Instead, I’m going to be working my butt off, and having to shift gears several times this week, between teaching, then networking, then mingling, and politicking.

Attending all of these events means that I don’t even have the space to think about turning 35. It’s a great way to stay focussed, and I’m really glad I love what I do.

But clearly, once again, work wins.

When am I going to learn how to prioritize my social life?