Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

He Plays a Good Game. And I had a good time. March 19, 2009

Filed under: Comedy,Dating,seduction — datehazard @ 10:41 am
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I met The Author last night, at a rather swanky, old-fashioned cigar lounge where the female servers wear red cocktail dresses and you have to be buzzed in.

I was quite the sight when I arrived to meet with The Author; our age difference was perhaps the most pronounced aspect of the two of us. The two German men sitting two tables away kept staring at me and my companion. I sipped on my gin and tonic, flirted with The Author, and he sipped on his delicious, smooth Bourbon. He invited me to join him with the same libation, but I declined, to which he teased, “But G+T is such a summer drink; why would you drink it now?” I replied, “Because to me, it is summer, always, most especially when it is not.”

I knew he would find that charming. And he smiled and sipped while I smiled and held his gaze.

Flirting is such fun.

We talked about all kinds of things, he making statements, me listening, for the most part, then intervening with quips initially, then with interruptions. I would let him talk, seemingly passive, and alternate between being indulgent and complimentary, to being challenging, or skeptical. All along, he noticed, and appreciated my interventions. It felt like a dance of sorts. A fencing duel would probably be not a bad metaphor for the kind of back-and-forth repartee.

There are few things more attractive than intelligence. And few things more exhilarating than alternating between boredom and stimulation so unexpected that you’re left wordless.

We went back to his apartment, I admired his paintings, and we sipped champagne. I became incredibly drunk and realised I’d have to leave. We said our goodbyes and he put me in a cab, paying my cab fare. There is a lot to be said for the niceties of life.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in New York; it looks like I might not be able to teach here next semester. There was a problem with making up an additional course that I need. If I don’t get to teach two course sections, I will have to return. That’s a shame, since I’ve only just started really enjoying myself here.

New York is a tough place, there’s no doubt about it. And I think The Author is right when he advocates a “just don’t take it seriously” approach.

 

On the benefits of getting enough sleep February 24, 2009

Last night, I went out with my roommate and his friend The Actor, to watch some improv comedy.

It was freezing cold and a fierce wind was whipping through New York. We were all hatless in our “it’s hip to be cold” way, all clenching our teeth and gripping the edges of our coats in a futile effort to stay warm.

We ate cheap, hot, fresh tortillas; The Actor gobbled his down in two bites or less, and I clutched them in my hands and drew out the eating experience for as long as the tortilla maintained its heat. Lovely, cheap impromptu hand-warmers! We hopped anxiously from one foot to the other while we waited in line. We told each other silly jokes in an attempt to distract ourselves from the stinging cold, and to generally celebrate each other’s company.

Then we were inside, and the show began. And we laughed at the distracted actor, the botched lines, the awkward moments. We laughed at the high points, the moments when the timing was just right. We doubled over, shaking silently, wiping the tears from our eyes, when our favourite actor ruthlessly exploited a line or staged a perfect moment.

Then we went home. And I slept, without interruption, for the first time in weeks.

 

Hilarious February 21, 2009

Filed under: breakups,Comedy,Exes — datehazard @ 1:10 pm
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How to break up with your girlfriend in 64 easy steps.

Could apply to both sides of the equation!

Enjoy.

 

The Charmer February 13, 2009

Filed under: Comedy,Dating,Desire — datehazard @ 5:27 pm
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So, last night was the big, weird, awkward, and eventually hilarious singles party. I started the evening with a guy in his 50s, who was pleasant enough, but really, a little too old for me; and ended the evening with a firecracker of a 40-year-old, henceforth known as The Charmer.

The Charmer was with his friend, The Entrepreneur. Both had been having some drama with women hitting on them in ways they felt to be aggressive, so when I first approached the Charmer, he wasn’t really interested in talking to me. Eventhough he’d been trying to catch my eye while I was otherwise occupied with the 50-year-old.

The Charmer works in a corporate job in senior management for a large multi-national clothing company. The funny thing is, it wasn’t as if I could tell he was an exec just by looking at him. What had attracted me at first were his glasses, then the cute way he started dancing a little to the music. I’d thought perhaps he was a nerd, or an academic type. I was thinking, “maybe advertising, maybe marketing.” I didn’t expect him to be such a corporate guy.

But when I walked up to him and introduced myself to him, all of that didn’t matter. What overwhelmed me and pushed me into a state of pure lust was the cologne he was wearing. At almost the same time that I noticed how he smelled, he noticed how I smelled, and asked what perfume I was wearing. I told him, and he expressed how attractive it was. I smiled because I had been thinking exactly the same thing about him, although I hadn’t said anything.

And then we started talking, and I found him absolutely, ridiculously charming. In an entirely abrasive, uncouth, clumsy fashion. For instance, he referred to his ethnic background using a racial slur, without batting an eye (delivered with a “matter of fact” unself-consciousness, in fact). He made off-colour jokes that I couldn’t but help burst out laughing to, and when he noticed my reaction, he warmed up and just kept them coming. He also had really kind, smiley eyes. Even if he had a kind of macho bravado about him. Utterly compelling. I was transfixed watching him and his friend in action. The two were feeding off each other’s energy, posturing, posing, engaging in one-upmanship against each other, and disclosing waaaay too much information.

In fact, they even got into sexual preferences and experiences in so much detail I had to call a time-out. Their descriptions of the combinations and permutations of gender and number left my mind reeling with vivid images of writhing, sweaty bodies, piled naked on top of, beside, behind, under, (between? What are some other prepositions…) each other. Way too much information for what’s not even a first date.

And then we said our goodbyes and The Charmer whisked me off home in his waiting car service. Along the way, vigorous groping and making out commenced, along with much passionate kissing. I wished the car had been equipped with a privacy screen. But then again, it’s probably best it wasn’t, or there might have been no modesty to boast of, on either of our parts, in the short 20 minutes it took to get to my house. And along the way, The Charmer asked me to seriously consider going on holiday with him next weekend.

And today he brought it up again and I started looking at flights. After calling a dear girl friend and dishing. We’re going to try to meet one last time before he has to fly out, to see whether it really is such a great idea.

And now I’m pretty exhausted, but I have a blind date with Indie Musician tonight. This has been a hilarious and amazing Valentine’s week for me, regardless of whatever else happens. I don’t think I have had as much fun on Valentine’s, ever. Another benefit of being single: having incredible experiences not possible to be experienced when in a monogamous relationship. And all along, I’d never known what I was missing: all the entertainment and comedic antics of singleness.

 

Why do guys do that? February 11, 2009

Filed under: Comedy,Dating,Desire,Drama — datehazard @ 8:51 am
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I dated a guy briefly: let’s call him Non-Profit Guy. He seemed like a really nice guy, we got along great, and I started to develop a real crush on him. I’ll always remember the way he lit up when he first saw me: if he had a caption above his head, it would have read, “WOW!”

He also seemed to really care about ethics. So I didn’t expect him to be juggling two women at once. Especially not if the other woman was someone he’d been pursuing for a year.

Shortly after I met him, he went on a trip with his “friend”, who lived just down the street from him. He’d mentioned her name a few times before, and I was a bit curious to know what her relationship was to him. It was way too early to be having “that” kind of a conversation, though, and I figured he’d let me know if there was something for me to know.

When he came back from his trip, he wanted to meet up with me again, and we went out on another date. There was some fooling around, some kissing, nothing much (we were in public), but I sensed that the openness he had to me before he left was not there. When I suggested we hang out at his house after our plans fell through (we were going to see a show but arrived too late), he laughed nervously. The thing is that I’d already seen his apartment, so it wasn’t as if we were going there for the first time. The last time we were in his apartment, I’d had to put the brakes on, since it was only date #2, and I didn’t really want to jump into bed with a stranger. So his behaviour this time around made me wonder what happened.

We finally had a talk, and he fessed up: he’d known her for a year and been pursuing her romantically during that time. She finally said yes when they were on their trip, and they were going to try dating.

To be honest, I wasn’t surprised; but I was a bit surprised at how upset I was by the news. I really felt dumped. It made no sense: I really had just started to get to know the guy. We’d known each other for maybe a total of a month.

Worst of all, instead of expressing my disappointment, I counselled him as a friend. I told him that I was happy for him (BS: anyone who says that after you dump them is lying through their teeth, and clinging onto their last shred of dignity), I told him that I was taking myself out of the equation (I actually said, “far be it for me to stand in the way of someone’s desire.” ACK). And that I, as his friend, was suggesting that he concentrated on his relationship and cherish the fact (yes, those exact words) that this woman who he had been pursuing for a year finally said yes to him.

He bleated something ridiculous like, “Well, but it’s all so new, I’m really not sure what’s going on right now.” I pushed aside my revulsion and said, “well, that’s the wonderful thing at the beginning: it’s fragile, and exhilarating, and tenuous and scary as hell.” Meanwhile, a part of me wanted to say, “Why don’t you grow a pair? Oh, and get away from me.” Maybe I should have.

Because, after that grand generous speech I gave, I ended with “well, I wish you and your friend the best of luck, and I hope that we can still remain friends.” To me, that is the kiss of death: “friends” in this context means: If I happen to see you on the street, I won’t ignore you, but will say hello and introduce myself to whoever happens to be there, including your date/gf/mistress/whatever. I mean, come on, it’s not like we work together or have to ever see each other again.

And so I was surprised when he e-mailed me. He asked how I was doing, and I figured it was a guilt-inspired e-mail. He apologized for not being upfront about his friend, and I thanked him for his apology. I figured that was that.

Weeks go by. Then yesterday, he e-mails me to ask whether we can hang out “as friends.” And so I’m now at a loss for what he is possibly thinking. If I were his new gf, I’d be furious.

Why do guys do stupid shit like that?

PS: And by the way, I said cheerily, “sure!” as if we were “just friends.” Mainly because I have a perverse sense of humour, and mainly because I’ll probably put on the “I’m so great without you” front and be an idiot like that.