Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

Surprise. He replied. March 3, 2009

Filed under: Comedy,Dating,Desire — datehazard @ 1:24 pm
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Well, I didn’t think it would happen, but The Charmer replied!

He sent me a text:

“DH! So glad to hear from you!!! I thought you wrote me off like a bad debt! Would love 2 CU. Am travelling to X office, will call/text when arrive.”

My instinct is to resist seduction, but my gut tells me that I tend to be too rational and need to start acting more on desire. That “I am so scared I can barely breathe” emotion is something that I need to acknowledge and allow. I just wish those feelings weren’t so unruly and so fear-inducing. My work world is orderly and productive, mainly because I work very hard to make sure it stays that way. Shame that emotions don’t follow the same patterns.

 

Hilarious February 21, 2009

Filed under: breakups,Comedy,Exes — datehazard @ 1:10 pm
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How to break up with your girlfriend in 64 easy steps.

Could apply to both sides of the equation!

Enjoy.

 

Friends in need

Last night my friend The Artist got really drunk. So drunk she ended up being taken care of by my other friend The Grad Student. We had all been at the networking event, and we’d gone out to a bar afterwards (where I met up with The Corporate Lawyer).

While the Corporate Lawyer and I left to get a bite to eat, my friends stayed at the bar, chatting happily. This morning the Grad Student called and gave me the scoop. Apparently The Artist had been so drunk that she’d been unable to walk without assistance when they left the bar. As he told it, since she was way too drunk to make it back to her house, he took her to his home and put her to bed. She proceeded to vomit all over the subway car in the ride back to his apartment. And then into a bucket he’d thoughtfully placed by her head, all night. And into the morning. Poor woman!

The Artist is still really hung up about her ex, the Man-Child. The Grad Student told me about their conversation in the morning, where The Artist went on at length about how poorly her ex had treated her, and how she thought he had been too premature in his decision to end the relationship. She’s still in Step 1 of the breakup, of course. It was only about 2 weeks ago that they’d broken up.

I was glad that my two friends, and now two new friends to each other, could look out for each other and take care of each other when they needed help.

 

The Goodbye February 19, 2009

Filed under: breakups,Dating,Desire,Drama — datehazard @ 2:09 pm
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How do you say goodbye to someone who seemed like they were going to be much, much more than a fling?

You don’t.

You wish them well.

And that’s just what I had to do with The Charmer. He hadn’t returned my phone call or my text message, and so I finally sent him an e-mail. I explained that I didn’t know why he was having this response, but that I’d hoped it wasn’t because I’d annoyed him in some way. And that I hoped he would have a good trip and managed to have some downtime.

I also wrote that I didn’t want to date him when he returned; that I thought it would be better if he wanted to get to know me, and to know me on my own terms, because I have a lot more information on him than he does on me. He really doesn’t know me at all. Which explained his hesitation and surprise at my behaviour on a few occasions, including in bed. I think my availability surprised him. His anxious questions about whether I was dating anyone else seemed from a place of formless fear: the kind of fear that isn’t based on anything except itself.

So I left the door open.

But I don’t think he’ll be coming back.

This one’s in the “fling” category, folks. Much to my disappointment.

[Edit: He texted me back after I’d e-mailed saying that he’d been crazy busy, but that everything was ok and he’d call me after he arrived at his holiday destination tomorrow. It doesn’t really change anything, though. I didn’t text back and I’m happy to move on with my life. We’ll see what happens when he gets back.]

 

…and I was right. I hate when I’m right. February 18, 2009

Just spoke with the Charmer. I was right. He uninvited me from his original trip, explaining that he’d planned to go on the trip by himself, not because our date last night was on any level a “failure.”

So I asked what’s next? And he said he’d like to take me out on a “real date” when he gets back.

I have no clue why we didn’t just make it a “real” date last night then, if that’s the kind of relationship he wants to pursue. It makes no sense to me. Except for the fact that he explained that he’s an impulsive person by nature, and that he’s trying to avoid being so impulsive.

Frankly, I think the explanation is simple: he doesn’t want to have me in his life in the category of “possible girlfriend.” But he doesn’t want to just walk away either. At this point he’s really not sure what he wants.

And to be honest, I’m not sure he’s what I’m looking for, either. What I really liked about him is what he represented to me: he held up a mirror to me and reminded me of the way I’m driven, pretty much a workaholic and someone capable of immersing herself completely in work. And that I’d been whiling away the last year trying to get back into that head space.

So really, I was using him, too. Although I don’t think I knew it at the time.

Who knows what might happen if we decide to get to know each other more carefully? After the heat has faded, we might realise that we really have nothing to talk about, and nothing in common at all.

I do have to say, though, that the meeting of the minds was pretty incredible, even if nothing else happens after this. That, I don’t regret, at all.

Tonight I’m going to bed wearing the t-shirt I wore to his bed last night. It smells of his cologne, but not of him. It is a poor stand in. And I know the scent will dissipate with time.

 

The date with the Charmer

Filed under: Dating,Desire,seduction,Singleness — datehazard @ 10:51 am
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So, my “first date” happened with The Charmer last night.

The reasons why first date are in inverted commas are because the date consisted of me spending the night at his house. Hardly conventional. And something I’ve never done before. It started off innocently enough: we ordered pizza, ate in his swanky apartment on his polished granite countertop in his steel-and-birch kitchen, we joked around, me in my jeans and t-shirt, him in his sweats and ball cap. Drank some wine, had a cocktail, cuddled and watched t.v…. and you can fill in the rest.

It was OK. Not great, but OK.

Why not great? Because the guy seriously is neurotic. He self-confessed when I first met him, and I understood more of his neurosis when in his space. He is a clean freak, and is constantly adjusting, cleaning, organizing, Putting Things In Their Place. I washed a cup I’d used with soap and water and placed it to dry in the sink. He noticed it drying, upside-down, and washed it again, with soap and water, then put it in his dishwasher. Any time he used the kitchen or I did, he’d tidy up afterward, wiping down surfaces, rearranging items, making things just right. He’d wipe down the kitchen sink with a paper towel so there would be no water spots any time we used it.

It started to make me really nervous. I wasn’t sure what was allowable and what wasn’t. At one point I wasn’t sure whether it was OK for me to place my ice-filled cocktail glass on my coaster on the granite counter-top, and asked for permission. The Charmer responded with an “Of course! Mi casa es su casa” kind of “casual” response.

During sex, he wanted me to keep my underwear on, which I at first thought was kind of one of those, “I find this totally sexy because of its novelty” approaches, but then I started to realise that it’s a thing with him. This is how he likes it. It’s no surprise that his preferred position is one of the “four-legged variety,” so-to-speak: he prefers to be in control. At All Times.

None of this is terribly horrible, but it’s not really something that allows for someone to really relax, either. Being in his space seriously started to make me itchy after a while. While he took a shower, I did some yoga, repeating the sun salutation a few times, a few warrior 2 poses, and lots of slow breathing.

And I still like him. A lot. In fact, maybe even more so than before. I can’t explain it. It’s just one of those things.

I honestly don’t know whether to go on vacation with him this weekend (which he’d originally suggested); I want him to ask me, but I don’t know if he will. He’s going to call me this evening. I suspect that’s when he’ll let me know what he’s decided. I have a pretty good hunch he’s finding a way to let me down easy. Otherwise I’d imagine he’d have asked me already.

I didn’t bring it up at all. It was the elephant in the room all last night, and all this morning.

And now, to bury myself in work.

 

Possibly Probably making a mistake February 16, 2009

The Charmer called. We made plans to meet up tomorrow, at his swanky apartment profiled in a major international newspaper (he was also quoted in the same article). I have to give it to him, he is a smooth operator. This is how it went.

“Hey DH, how’s it going? How are you doing, sweetie?”

“I’m fine, TC, much better now that I’m hearing from you — I’d been waiting for your promised call this morning. How are you? How’s work going? I’m glad you managed to finally squeeze some time away.”

“Well, it’s really busy since the acquisition of the other company late last year. Then at the same time that deal was being negotiated, we decided to expand operations into another country. Then my Dad had a health problem, so I was at one point in the hospital, with my mom and dad arguing in the background while I was trying to talk to the lawyers to negotiate both deals. You can’t make this stuff up.” (laughs).

“Yikes. Is your Dad doing ok? What happened?”

“Oh he’s better now. He’d had a quadruple bypass and they found out that his arteries were really clogged, so he had a choice of having to do another quadruple bypass or having stents put in. So he opted for the stents, which is why he was in the hospital for some time.”

“I’m glad to hear he’s better.” Pause. “I’m wondering if I could talk to you about your text message about meeting up.”

“Yeah… (laughs). I figured you probably thought it was a weird message, and a strange way to have a first date. I can assure you that I don’t always arrange first dates like that, but because this week is so packed and I want to spend some time with you and figure out whether we can get along, I felt like I had to send a direct message like that. But I really don’t do stuff like that.” (Laughs).

“I figured it was something to that effect. I mean, I also checked the time of your text message, and figured from your subsequent one that you were probably a little drunk when you sent it, so you probably didn’t intend for it to have quite the bluntness that it did.”

“Yeah, well, no, it wasn’t just that I was drunk, it was because I wasn’t sure how to fit all of these things together. But yeah, I probably would have phrased it somewhere along the lines of, ‘you know, I don’t often do this, and I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but how do you feel about…'”

We both laughed. Ha ha ha.

“So, I figure we could meet up tomorrow, I’ll get my car service to pick you up and bring you here, and we can have a carpet picnic or whatever, maybe I’ll get a DVD and we can watch something.”

“Uh… Well, where do you live? I mean, I could easily take the train there. The trains run all night, right? How far away from the station are you?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ll give you my address, I’ll just arrange for the car service. It’s really no problem at all.”

“And by the way, I don’t want to have you think I would stay overnight and you’d have to drive me in to town the next morning. Let’s leave that possibility open and see what happens.”

“Oh, no, really, you’ll see, I’m a perfect gentleman. I have an extra bedroom and everything, so if you want to stay there, that’s perfectly fine with me; if not, whatever — there’s no pressure at all. Seriously, I want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

I hate to say it, but he’s smooth.

He continued, “But I would suggest you might want to pack an overnight bag; I mean, just in case you stay. It’s also more convenient so you can have your stuff with you if you need it.”

The guy is seriously amusing me.

What the hell. I’ll give it a go. There are lots of horrible worst-case scenarios, but I don’t think many of them will apply to this situation. And I am seriously entertained by this guy’s shenanigans!