Just spoke with the Charmer. I was right. He uninvited me from his original trip, explaining that he’d planned to go on the trip by himself, not because our date last night was on any level a “failure.”
So I asked what’s next? And he said he’d like to take me out on a “real date” when he gets back.
I have no clue why we didn’t just make it a “real” date last night then, if that’s the kind of relationship he wants to pursue. It makes no sense to me. Except for the fact that he explained that he’s an impulsive person by nature, and that he’s trying to avoid being so impulsive.
Frankly, I think the explanation is simple: he doesn’t want to have me in his life in the category of “possible girlfriend.” But he doesn’t want to just walk away either. At this point he’s really not sure what he wants.
And to be honest, I’m not sure he’s what I’m looking for, either. What I really liked about him is what he represented to me: he held up a mirror to me and reminded me of the way I’m driven, pretty much a workaholic and someone capable of immersing herself completely in work. And that I’d been whiling away the last year trying to get back into that head space.
So really, I was using him, too. Although I don’t think I knew it at the time.
Who knows what might happen if we decide to get to know each other more carefully? After the heat has faded, we might realise that we really have nothing to talk about, and nothing in common at all.
I do have to say, though, that the meeting of the minds was pretty incredible, even if nothing else happens after this. That, I don’t regret, at all.
Tonight I’m going to bed wearing the t-shirt I wore to his bed last night. It smells of his cologne, but not of him. It is a poor stand in. And I know the scent will dissipate with time.