Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

Online dating hazards January 31, 2009

Filed under: Dating,Singleness — datehazard @ 4:20 pm
Tags: , ,

Life just got a little interesting and a little busy, date-wise.

I went out on a date last night with Corporate Lawyer. It was date #2 and we dutifully followed the formula of the first kiss on the second date, after dinner, a bottle of wine and a round of drinks at a nearby bar. Date #1 was weeks ago — he’d first contacted me online shortly after New Year’s day 2009, and we met up early in the new year. He went skiing for a week, I was busy and out of town for another, and we finally met up again.

He is nothing like the kind of person I think I would date seriously. He’s two years older than me but has never been in a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year. Meanwhile, I’ve been married and divorced (relationship lasted for 5 years in total) and tend to be a long-term relationship sort of person. It might explain my general awkwardness when it comes to dating: I never know what to do or what to expect. As this dating experiment keeps going, I’m getting a little better at observing and a little less interested in being completely involved. That kind of — for lack of a better word — coldness (aloofness?) — is a practiced skill, for sure. It also works better when applied to someone that one’s heart doesn’t race for.

I’m wondering whether taking it to the next step would be simply inviting trouble. I’m not sure I’m quite skilled enough to have a “let’s just sleep together because we need some intimacy” kind of relationship. I tend to get involved (see above), and if he’s the kind who doesn’t, well… It doesn’t even take a second-grade mathematician to figure that one out!

Meanwhile, I’ve decided to upgrade an existing dating profile after my decision two days ago to take dating a little more seriously. No more automatic “go away”/”next” responses from me — and no more guilt about entertaining my options, either.

There’s a nagging feeling that I’m being just a little too opportunistic and selfish. The last thing I want is to turn into my former roommate Laura. Laura’s dating style would be to date a different person each weekend, and to sleep with each one as a matter of fact, then rapidly become bitter and accusatory of her date’s fickleness. I never really understood what looked to me to be a kind of mania. I mean, Laura was a really attractive woman, funny, intelligent, engaging, but she could cut her dates off so quickly. And her excisions were always accompanied by unmitigated, 100% blame for the other party.

I was a chicken. I never dared contradict her. Plus I lived with the woman. I tried to sympathize, even as I felt a little bewildered and skeptical.