Datehazard’s Blog

On dating, singleness and adjusting to being 30ish.

Possibly Probably making a mistake February 16, 2009

The Charmer called. We made plans to meet up tomorrow, at his swanky apartment profiled in a major international newspaper (he was also quoted in the same article). I have to give it to him, he is a smooth operator. This is how it went.

“Hey DH, how’s it going? How are you doing, sweetie?”

“I’m fine, TC, much better now that I’m hearing from you — I’d been waiting for your promised call this morning. How are you? How’s work going? I’m glad you managed to finally squeeze some time away.”

“Well, it’s really busy since the acquisition of the other company late last year. Then at the same time that deal was being negotiated, we decided to expand operations into another country. Then my Dad had a health problem, so I was at one point in the hospital, with my mom and dad arguing in the background while I was trying to talk to the lawyers to negotiate both deals. You can’t make this stuff up.” (laughs).

“Yikes. Is your Dad doing ok? What happened?”

“Oh he’s better now. He’d had a quadruple bypass and they found out that his arteries were really clogged, so he had a choice of having to do another quadruple bypass or having stents put in. So he opted for the stents, which is why he was in the hospital for some time.”

“I’m glad to hear he’s better.” Pause. “I’m wondering if I could talk to you about your text message about meeting up.”

“Yeah… (laughs). I figured you probably thought it was a weird message, and a strange way to have a first date. I can assure you that I don’t always arrange first dates like that, but because this week is so packed and I want to spend some time with you and figure out whether we can get along, I felt like I had to send a direct message like that. But I really don’t do stuff like that.” (Laughs).

“I figured it was something to that effect. I mean, I also checked the time of your text message, and figured from your subsequent one that you were probably a little drunk when you sent it, so you probably didn’t intend for it to have quite the bluntness that it did.”

“Yeah, well, no, it wasn’t just that I was drunk, it was because I wasn’t sure how to fit all of these things together. But yeah, I probably would have phrased it somewhere along the lines of, ‘you know, I don’t often do this, and I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but how do you feel about…'”

We both laughed. Ha ha ha.

“So, I figure we could meet up tomorrow, I’ll get my car service to pick you up and bring you here, and we can have a carpet picnic or whatever, maybe I’ll get a DVD and we can watch something.”

“Uh… Well, where do you live? I mean, I could easily take the train there. The trains run all night, right? How far away from the station are you?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ll give you my address, I’ll just arrange for the car service. It’s really no problem at all.”

“And by the way, I don’t want to have you think I would stay overnight and you’d have to drive me in to town the next morning. Let’s leave that possibility open and see what happens.”

“Oh, no, really, you’ll see, I’m a perfect gentleman. I have an extra bedroom and everything, so if you want to stay there, that’s perfectly fine with me; if not, whatever — there’s no pressure at all. Seriously, I want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

I hate to say it, but he’s smooth.

He continued, “But I would suggest you might want to pack an overnight bag; I mean, just in case you stay. It’s also more convenient so you can have your stuff with you if you need it.”

The guy is seriously amusing me.

What the hell. I’ll give it a go. There are lots of horrible worst-case scenarios, but I don’t think many of them will apply to this situation. And I am seriously entertained by this guy’s shenanigans!

 

The Charmer February 13, 2009

Filed under: Comedy,Dating,Desire — datehazard @ 5:27 pm
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So, last night was the big, weird, awkward, and eventually hilarious singles party. I started the evening with a guy in his 50s, who was pleasant enough, but really, a little too old for me; and ended the evening with a firecracker of a 40-year-old, henceforth known as The Charmer.

The Charmer was with his friend, The Entrepreneur. Both had been having some drama with women hitting on them in ways they felt to be aggressive, so when I first approached the Charmer, he wasn’t really interested in talking to me. Eventhough he’d been trying to catch my eye while I was otherwise occupied with the 50-year-old.

The Charmer works in a corporate job in senior management for a large multi-national clothing company. The funny thing is, it wasn’t as if I could tell he was an exec just by looking at him. What had attracted me at first were his glasses, then the cute way he started dancing a little to the music. I’d thought perhaps he was a nerd, or an academic type. I was thinking, “maybe advertising, maybe marketing.” I didn’t expect him to be such a corporate guy.

But when I walked up to him and introduced myself to him, all of that didn’t matter. What overwhelmed me and pushed me into a state of pure lust was the cologne he was wearing. At almost the same time that I noticed how he smelled, he noticed how I smelled, and asked what perfume I was wearing. I told him, and he expressed how attractive it was. I smiled because I had been thinking exactly the same thing about him, although I hadn’t said anything.

And then we started talking, and I found him absolutely, ridiculously charming. In an entirely abrasive, uncouth, clumsy fashion. For instance, he referred to his ethnic background using a racial slur, without batting an eye (delivered with a “matter of fact” unself-consciousness, in fact). He made off-colour jokes that I couldn’t but help burst out laughing to, and when he noticed my reaction, he warmed up and just kept them coming. He also had really kind, smiley eyes. Even if he had a kind of macho bravado about him. Utterly compelling. I was transfixed watching him and his friend in action. The two were feeding off each other’s energy, posturing, posing, engaging in one-upmanship against each other, and disclosing waaaay too much information.

In fact, they even got into sexual preferences and experiences in so much detail I had to call a time-out. Their descriptions of the combinations and permutations of gender and number left my mind reeling with vivid images of writhing, sweaty bodies, piled naked on top of, beside, behind, under, (between? What are some other prepositions…) each other. Way too much information for what’s not even a first date.

And then we said our goodbyes and The Charmer whisked me off home in his waiting car service. Along the way, vigorous groping and making out commenced, along with much passionate kissing. I wished the car had been equipped with a privacy screen. But then again, it’s probably best it wasn’t, or there might have been no modesty to boast of, on either of our parts, in the short 20 minutes it took to get to my house. And along the way, The Charmer asked me to seriously consider going on holiday with him next weekend.

And today he brought it up again and I started looking at flights. After calling a dear girl friend and dishing. We’re going to try to meet one last time before he has to fly out, to see whether it really is such a great idea.

And now I’m pretty exhausted, but I have a blind date with Indie Musician tonight. This has been a hilarious and amazing Valentine’s week for me, regardless of whatever else happens. I don’t think I have had as much fun on Valentine’s, ever. Another benefit of being single: having incredible experiences not possible to be experienced when in a monogamous relationship. And all along, I’d never known what I was missing: all the entertainment and comedic antics of singleness.

 

Online dating hazards January 31, 2009

Filed under: Dating,Singleness — datehazard @ 4:20 pm
Tags: , ,

Life just got a little interesting and a little busy, date-wise.

I went out on a date last night with Corporate Lawyer. It was date #2 and we dutifully followed the formula of the first kiss on the second date, after dinner, a bottle of wine and a round of drinks at a nearby bar. Date #1 was weeks ago — he’d first contacted me online shortly after New Year’s day 2009, and we met up early in the new year. He went skiing for a week, I was busy and out of town for another, and we finally met up again.

He is nothing like the kind of person I think I would date seriously. He’s two years older than me but has never been in a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year. Meanwhile, I’ve been married and divorced (relationship lasted for 5 years in total) and tend to be a long-term relationship sort of person. It might explain my general awkwardness when it comes to dating: I never know what to do or what to expect. As this dating experiment keeps going, I’m getting a little better at observing and a little less interested in being completely involved. That kind of — for lack of a better word — coldness (aloofness?) — is a practiced skill, for sure. It also works better when applied to someone that one’s heart doesn’t race for.

I’m wondering whether taking it to the next step would be simply inviting trouble. I’m not sure I’m quite skilled enough to have a “let’s just sleep together because we need some intimacy” kind of relationship. I tend to get involved (see above), and if he’s the kind who doesn’t, well… It doesn’t even take a second-grade mathematician to figure that one out!

Meanwhile, I’ve decided to upgrade an existing dating profile after my decision two days ago to take dating a little more seriously. No more automatic “go away”/”next” responses from me — and no more guilt about entertaining my options, either.

There’s a nagging feeling that I’m being just a little too opportunistic and selfish. The last thing I want is to turn into my former roommate Laura. Laura’s dating style would be to date a different person each weekend, and to sleep with each one as a matter of fact, then rapidly become bitter and accusatory of her date’s fickleness. I never really understood what looked to me to be a kind of mania. I mean, Laura was a really attractive woman, funny, intelligent, engaging, but she could cut her dates off so quickly. And her excisions were always accompanied by unmitigated, 100% blame for the other party.

I was a chicken. I never dared contradict her. Plus I lived with the woman. I tried to sympathize, even as I felt a little bewildered and skeptical.